BRING IT ON.

I have to admit, last year I was struggling. Struggling with all sorts of pent up self afflicted gripes and reservations and bitterness. POOR ME syndrome. I was even starting to bore myself with my own perceived inadequacies. I gave up writing poetry because I thought that thinking too much in that direction was bringing on all the self blehness, even though I've written poetry since I was a kid and it had always acted as a medicine to head worms.

My light bulb moment came whilst I was reading Patti Smith's book "Just Kids". I can honestly say that it has sparked something in me, genuinely. It is inspiring that she never doubted the fact that her path was that of an artist, it was not something to be ashamed of, ridiculed, put into competition with, sold, or denied. Success isn't the point. You don't need success to prove to yourself that art (whichever area you dabble in) is what your natural path is, even though society would have you believe that success is everything and you are shit if you don't have it.

I've been fighting something. I've created this image of myself as the under-educated, over-aged, over weight, skint, cynic. Why? Fuck knows!? I've been afraid of going into those quiet dark places that crop up every so often, instead of embracing them and using them to spill ink on pages and wallow in all the beautiful creativity that melancholy brings. In Patti's book she mentions about her naturally rebellious nature, and about how she curved her tendencies to destruction by channeling the energy into creating art. In my case, I've been channeling all my anger into myself, or blaming the world in general. Claiming "everything is shit!".

Last night, I lay prone on the sofa, a huge fire blaring, a raging temperature, my lungs burning like sandpapered knuckles, watching Jools Holland's Hootenanny *HOOTENANNY!... (sorry) The New year rang in... I half expected an earthquake, or just be obliterated into dust by an anti-big-bang, but no. Something tweaked inside me though, I think my eyelid might have twitched and everything. I'd had enough. Enough of all my bullshit. Just do the thing. I don't know what the 'thing' is yet, but I know I must do it. I must have faith in my own path, or calling, or whatever the fuck it's called. If I stay forever skint, then so what, at least I will have created something, for someone.

And while I'm waiting for this to happen, I am seriously planning on creating a scene. If we cannot go to Dublin to all the cool open mics and spoken word-a-me-jigs, then I shall make one here. I'm half afraid of the logistics of organising it, I want to not bother, a voice keeps telling me it will be a failure, no'one will want to travel to a small village in West Waterford to sing or read, that someone will interfere and ruin it, that I'm not qualified enough to run it, set it up.. blah blah blah.. But I know now that that is just SHIT. Nothing ever happened by doing nothing... no wait.. doublenegatives.. shit.. .. Everything never happened by doing nothing..?... bollocks... erm.... .....

GREAT THINGS NEVER HAPPEN BY DOING NOTHING. .. now. someone tell me who said that?